i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
