so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
