I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
