dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
