I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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