I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
