Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
