omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He better not be in your backpack
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
