I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
