I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish you could order shots online.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
