Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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