I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
