Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
