I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
