you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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