Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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