the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
