things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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