i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
