Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
