he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
