I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
