How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
