apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
