I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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