she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
