walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you would pick up someone in the library
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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