Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
