just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
