I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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