He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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