Don't you send me to vm
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
