I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
