Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
