My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
