Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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