The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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