Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
