I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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