Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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