i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I pour the whiskey from now on
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
