you guys were way drunker than both of me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
