how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
