If i come over, it means nothing
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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