Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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