I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
