I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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