It's Friday. Sex?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
