My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
