someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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