you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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