my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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