what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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