He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
