shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
