i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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