and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
