I wish I could teleport
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
